Well yesterday was Friday but it was so so much more. It was a day of little miracles, defeat, pain and finally surrender.
It all started with taking my car into the shop. I KNEW how much was wrong with it, but as my husband drove it to the shop and I followed nervously behind in his car, my mind kept praying for a little miracle that we get it to their drive way. Well we did. There were no problems. It drove well and in a way that was (in my sappy mind) my cars final farewell. As soon as he parked my XTerra a huge cloud of smoke engulfed the engine and I just knew....I knew. A few hours later the mechanic called me and told me my car could not be fixed. "Unfixable" and "Money pit" left me feeling defeated. Great...just great. Give it for scrap or trade it in he said. Okay I hear you. I have been told this before and now it is true. It is amazing how emotionally attached you get to your cars. So "Sadie" it has been a great few years....thank you!!
Okay so I am at work as usual and here comes the second drama of my day. The pain. It is back. And know I know with certainty that stress is what is causing my PTL. I try to focus on my work, but the pain level is slowly creeping up the scale. 5.....6.....7. Okay I give in and call my Dr fulling thinking she would call me in more Terb and that would be that. Nope. "The Dr needs you to go back to Labor and Delivery." My response was not so wonderful. I did not want to go back to the place I just left three days prior to be stuck pricked and prodded. Again. I finished my day at work because I needed to, then headed that way. Stress level through the roof. You know whats worse than going to labor when you are 25 weeks pregnant??? Going alone. Adam was at work and I had our only car. So I went again...alone. Wonderful....
I get there and my pain has decreased to a 2 and I am quite comfy. Making chatty conversation with my nurses and even managing to laugh. This time at least I got to go to the antepartum unit. No screaming women and birthing babies. On go the monitors and to our surprise (insert sarcasm) I am contracting. Houston looked awesome the whole time and I am eternally grateful for that. They repeated my Fetal Fibro test and again it was negative. Then she looked at my cervix and I did not like the look on her face. She called my Dr and came back and checked my cervix again. 1 cm and 30% effaced. Just three days prior I was 0cm and 0% effaced. Lovely. So they order my steroid shots to mature the babies lungs "just to make sure" and let me sit there for 7 hours on the monitor. Contractions start to get worse again and so does my pain. I finally convince them to give me Terbutaline and I get instant relief. An hour later I am sent home with no new instructions except to return tomorrow for my second steroid shot. Fine. I don't know why they didn't give me the darn medicine 7 hours earlier.....
So here I sit. Thankfully not on bedrest but trying to relax none the less. So much is up in the air right now, I don't know where to start. We can't make it with one car but we can't afford a new one. Adams job is stressing him out because that's the nature of sales when you make 100% commission. I just don't know...............
So please pray for us. Pray for peace, pray for a financial miracle, and pray for my sweet Houston who really does need to stay put. I feel so guilty for dragging him into my stress. I hate that he can feel my stress and that I am causing my PTL. I am so sorry sweet baby boy.....
So just pray..........That's all I ask.........
