Lord have mercy

Well I wanted this to have its own post, hence the two posts in one day.

This day last year I was on a cold table, at my fertility Drs office, staring at my babies flickering heart beat on the ultrasound screen. With eyes filled with tears, I prayed for God's mercy. That day I needed a miracle. I needed to be carried out of that office, and I was. By Jesus.

You see that day I learned the fate of our baby. Our baby that we were never meant to hold....

Our sweet sweet baby. Too many babies lost, too many waiting for us in heaven. Maybe not though. I know God has a perfect plan. Somehow those precious babies are a part of it. A big, big part. Although they were never in my arms, they will forever be in my heart. I miss them all so much. So terribly much. My heart breaks for them but I know they are in a far better place than on this earth.

I look at my two angels that did make it, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Against all odds, I was blessed with them. We fought hard to make it, but with God's hand, we did. Praise God for the babies I have on this earth, and Praise him for the 6 waiting for me in heaven. Oh God how I praise You even during the hard times.

Lord, thank You for my precious sons. My wonderful husband and this life I so joyously get to call my own. Thank you for the beautiful souls called home too soon. Thank you my Savior.............Amen.....


here is a link to my post last year in case you want to read. A little caution though. I was in a different place then and I was struggling with facing another loss....

Happy St. Patty's Day!!

Well I hope everyone is wearing something green :)

Okay, so today EJ is 5 weeks old. I am costantly amazed by this little boy! He is growing so fast! Yesterday at the pediatricians office he weighed in at 10lbs 9oz! That means he gained a whole pound in just four days! I have offically stopped worrying about my milk supply now. I am so glad he is gaining so well! He does have dermatitis on his face and it looks miserable. My poor baby! We started using the california baby calendula lotion, and it does seem to be helping. We also have been referred to a gastro Dr. because of his reflux and his episodes where he stops breathing due to choking. At this point he should be eating and breathing easily and he is not. 90% of the time he is fine but then he will have an episode of choking and thus the lack of breathing. Not fun! After going to ER last week we were told what we already knew....reflux. Hopefully he will outgrow it quickly and not have to suffer much longer. I am still waiting for my angel care monitor and it should be here any day. Then I can rest knowing my babe is okay and breathing just fine in his crib. We also got a lift so he will be elevated while in his crib.

Oh and speaking of deliveries, I am now waiting for some new cloth dipes!!! I could not be more excited! I ordered a bumgenius 3.0, a fuzzi bunz one size, a happy heiney one size, some premium prefolds, and a medium and large thirsties cover. I am just so excited. I tell you when all this gets here it will be like Christmas! I will be sure to take pictures of everything and tell you what I think about them!
(Oh and while we are on a CDing note, I wanted to let anyone know who is having diaper rashes while CDing, that if you put fleece liners in the prefold every change, the rash goes away! I made my own liners by cutting up fleece fabric and within 24 hours we had no rash! It really does keep the moisture away...YAY)

Okay on to better and cuter things. Here are some pictures of my little cuties. Enjoy!