River rocks.........

I don't normally like to post twice in one day but I had to share this.
Today started out wonderful but quickly disintegrated. For some reason I brought to a place I don't like to be. All the thought of thanksgiving reminded me of everything I have lost. It could have been my pregnancy hormones or just me, but I wallowed in this pity party and really struggled today. I prayed and prayed hard for peace and patience. As the day came to a close, and I was laying with Austin as he fell asleep, I started praying again. Not only for peace but for clarity. I know God has a wonderful plan. A plan for us all even though I can not see it right now. However just because I can not see it does not mean it does not exist and I know that God does indeed have a plan and I rest in that. Most of the time.
However, like I said tonight I was struggling and I brought it to Him.

Then he spoke and His words were so profound to me my eyes filled with tears and I was once again filled with thanks for a God who does bring me peace. Complete peace.

This is what He shared with me.
Do you remember as a child ever going to a river or a stream and seeing those beautiful river rocks? I was mesmerized by them as a child. I would grab one in my hand and rub my fingers along it. I would love just how smooth and perfect each stone was. How could a river, flowing water, make such perfection?
That is what I am, what we are. We are all river rocks. Life is hard. Sometimes very hard, and we were never promised anything different. We travel down stream; bumping, scraping,flowing right along. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Is it sometimes awful? You better believe it. Does it carve away our imperfections and bring us closer to our God? Yes.
All of my trials and all of my pain is just the river flowing around me making me what God intends of me. He wants nothing less than for me to be as perfect and smooth as a river rock and that is what I will strive to be. All of this life is just priming us for the real treasure. So I will take it. I will take it all. I will surrender and let You mold me. For I long to be smooth oh Lord.
I have a long ways to go but for now I rest in the peace that God has given me. For I know......
River rocks..............

A thankful Thanksgiving....

Here I sit still embraced by the splendor that was Thanksgiving. This year was especially good to us. Good in so many wonderful ways.

It started with the Macy's parade. Austin was so intrigued with it this year and that brought back so many great memories. Then a day full of cooking all my favorite foods. I LOVE to cook. It is such a passion of mine and knowing that I get to share it with all my loved ones...well....my cup runneth over.

Adam was home all day as well and he did an amazing job at playing with Austin while I cooked. He really is the best father I have ever seen. He is my husband and I am so blessed to say that!

You see, I am so very blessed and have so many wonderful things to be thankful for, I don't need a holiday to remind me. Although a day set aside just for thankfulness is wonderful actually.

Every morning I wake up I am thankful. In a world that is in chaos, I have a beautiful family, a home over my head, food in my fridge, and Houston is still cooking ;)
I drive to work thankful and return the same way. My life, my family, is everything I ever wanted. How could I be anything but thankful?

God has been so incredibly good to me. The only thing I have ever wanted is a family whos love grows and grows. A wonderful husband and amazing children. I am not saying the road I had to take to get to this point was easy. Instead it was the opposite. Losing my parents, college, miscarriages and infertility, and countless other trials, all have made me even more thankful. Because even through the pain, God was and is with me. He has held me and carried me. He has loved me enough to pull me through the bad, and has given me so much good, I am in awe. I am not worthy but He has blessed me beyond measure anyways. He is my God and words can not express how thankful I am for that.

So today as I bask in the afterglow....
I want to say thank you Adam for everything you do. For working so hard despite the economy and for being the best husband and father I could ever have asked for. I prayed for you before I met you and I can not believe God actually gave you to me.

I want to say thank you for a certain little boy named Austin. You have changed my life forever. I will never and could never be the same. 3.5 years of pure bliss. Nothing is more fullfilling than waking up to you and all your sweetness. I love you so much. Every hug and every conversation, I am so very thankful.

I want to say thank you for my sweet baby Houston. What a journey it has been so far little man. Everything we went through to get you and everything I go through now to keep you. I love you beyond words and just am overwhelmed with gratitude for you. Two sons. Two brothers. Praise God!

I want to say thank you for everything we have physically. This year has been very hard as it is for many others. Our jobs have been shaken, our finances stretched, a home had to be let go of, a car lost, and just over all struggle. But I am thankful for all of the bounty. We have so so very much. I have a good home, a car to drive and share ;), more than enough food, and even some not so necessary things that we have splurged on. So even in the face of chaos, we are blessed. God has sustained us and I know in my hear He will continue. Thank you Lord for my bounty. You alone are our provider........

I want to say thank you for my MIL and FIL. Their love and support means so much. They are wonderful grandparents and I am so thankful Austin gets to have that relationship. Thank you so much!

I want to say thank you to you Lord. Not just for sustaining us but for loving us. You know my heart and my sorrows. You know my joy and my happiness. You know me Lord and you love me. Just as I am....unconditionally. I would not be here if it wasn't for you and everything you have done. Every step I have taken and every time you held my hand. For everything. The good and the bad. For although the road has been steep, it has led me to You. Most Holy Lord I am most thankful for You.

So this Thanksgiving was a wonderous day. I am so blessed........So very blessed...........