when dinos attack!

I think it is safe to say that we don't get out much right now. In fact the only time I leave the house is to pick up Austin from school or to go grocery shopping. We are in a difficult phase right now with Matthew and he hates riding in the car. I think I can actually hear him saying "I am literally going to die if you do not remove me from this restraint device right now woman!!!!" Then EJ gets going because he is upset Matthew is crying. Vicious circle I say! So we are camping out at home these days :)

However one of EJ's FAVORITE things are dinosaurs. He loves them. We all needed some outdoor time desperately, so we decided to go to a local museum that has a dinosaur exhibit. The weather was awesome today (high 60's) and it was beautiful out. We all had a fabulous time and the fresh air felt so good.

So here are pics of two of my monkeys and their new dino pals! We will definitely be going back!

FIVE months!!!! (and some ej)

Ho Ho Ho, How about a great giveaway!!!

So I have to share something fabulous with you all! We all know blogging is fantastic and a wonderful way to help document our lives and to record memories. Nothing could be more important to me than recording this precious time with my boys. They grow and change so quickly! I blink and they have grown :)
I know a lot of you can relate to that!

Well a company called My Memories contacted me, and I was instantly in love!

I started scrap booking when Austin was born but shamefully I never even finished his scrapbook, let alone start one for the other boys. But digital scrap booking I can do!! But I will warn you, it is addicting! My Memories has some of the best software for digi scrap booking and it does everything for you! Designing layouts, picking fun embellishments, adding your own pictures and text. Seriously the possibilities are endless. They have fab freebies and even a forum!

If you have never used digi scrap software before, do not fear! I jumped right in without even reading any tutorials and could find my way around!

You can use this software to make scrapbook pages, photo albums, gift tags, and blog headers like I did! Really anything you can dream of, you can make!

I love that it is versatile and fun. It is a fast and beautiful way to personalize and document your life!

As a super busy mom, I value my time greatly. Personally, I love digital scrap booking because I can stop and start pages, work in little 5 minute spurts, and I never have to clean up or make sure the scissors are put away :) It really is the best of both worlds.

I encourage you to go over to My Memories and look around at all the great things they have!

The best part? I am giving away an entire My Memories Suite to one lucky winner! This has everything you need to get started!

**In addition to this all my readers can get $10 dollars off the My Memories Suite Software and a $10 coupon to use on the site, by using the code STMMMS79345  !**

To enter to win your very own Suite, all you have to do is go to My Memories and leave a comment telling me your favorite scrap booking kit!

If you want extra entries, you are in luck! Just leave a separate comment for each of the following. (So a total of up to 5 comments, and 5 entries)

1. Follow my blog with google friend connect

2. Follow me on Twitter

3. Follow My Memories on Twitter

4. Friend My Memories on Facebook

Contest ends January 15, 2012 at 12:00pm. Good luck!!

Merry Christmas Everyone and a Happy Holiday!!!

Thank you to My Memories for providing the My Memories Suite for review and for sponsoring this great giveaway!! Although item for review was provided, all opinions in this review are my own.

Life is a blur (literally)

Some random blurry iphone pics from this week :)

Someone needs a hair cut really badly!! He is still so cute even with crazy hair though :)

 This kid also has ca-razy curly hair!

 I got bangs! Seeing as how hair cuts are scarce around here, it is a big deal!

 Love how Austin ALWAYS cuts my head off in pics. I love looking through the eyes of a little one.

Matthew is big! He is 20 pounds and in a 12 month sleeper in this pic. He also drools all.the.time! Getting so big!!

Hope you all are having a great Christmas week!!

4 months! (very late)

Although I am really late posting these, I did take these when you turned four months! :)

I love your chubby hands

and your cheeks

and oh my word, those kissy lips

and of course your baby blues

Yes oh yes I love you!!!
Your naps are getting much better when you can actually take them (when ej doesn't wake you up lol) but night time sleep has gotten much worse. Instead of doing a seven hour stretch I am lucky if I get a 3-4 hour stretch. You also are waking up during the night and not wanting to go back to sleep. Mommy is very very tired and the house is pretty much always messy. You still dislike the car and scream when we go pick up Austin from school. You nurse well but you are really wanting to eat food now. You dive bomb everything I am eating! Santa is bringing you rice cereal! :)
You are 20 pounds now and wearing 12 month onsies, In separates you can still get by with 9 and 9-12 month. You are on the largest setting on most your diapers now too.You are my big big boy!!!
As far as your personality goes, you are extremely demanding. You get bored very easily and will scream until I entertain you. You know how to make a mommy work! You love snuggles and you love being tickled. Your favorite things are diaper changes and when we sing the itsy bitsy spider. You do not like you excersaucer and being put down!
We have some rough days but I wouldn't trade them. I just love you so very much!

redeemed and reborn. Amazing what nine months can do.

Nine months. I have been a single mom for nine extremely long months. Hard months. Breaking months. Building, humbling months. Months of me surviving and failing. Hard, hard months. The physical and emotional difficulties of being a single mom to three boys is indescribable. It is absolutely maddening and shattering. Some of it has been hell on earth for me. Honestly. But some of it? Some of it has been God breathed grace. God given strength and peace beyond belief. And learning and growing and a lot, a lot of refining.

Refining hurts. Big time.

God has shown me so much about myself in the last nine months. Like my very own rebirth, I am finally coming through this new. Changed. I am no longer blinded to the fact that I am terribly far from the person God wants me to be. The wife God wants me to be. And most especially the mother I am suppose to be. The friend and servant I am suppose to be. In pretty much every area. And that hurts to realize but it is also wonderful. Because I want to be better. And I am working on it and God has shown me things I never knew about myself or about Him. He has taught me much in these nine months. And I am so thankful.

And now I get to put them to practice.

Adam and I are back together and are committed to making our marriage work. We aren't living together again yet but can't wait to actually make that part final. My lease is up end of January so we will be moving then.

I didn't blog much about our separation and that was intentional. But I want to say this, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can't be redeemed. When we first separated I gave our marriage to God and asked Him to protect it, rebuild it, redeem it. And He has. To watch everything unfold has been incredible. If we are willing, truly willing, to let God restore an area of our lives, I believe HE will. And He has in my marriage. And He has is in my life.

Refining is painful sometimes beyond words, but I stay true to my belief in river rocks. It takes such a force, such bumps and scrapes, to make us smooth and more like Jesus. So here I am. I have a long ways to go, we have a long way to go, but I am ready. Whatever it takes.

Thank you all for walking this journey with me and being so very supportive. It simply means the world.

I feel like after being told for years to "be still", I am finally, finally being told "it is time, my child, it is time". And I am so ready.

Santa the Scary :)

And a rather hilarious picture if I do say so! It was so freezing outside and the temp dropped suddenly so we were way under dressed. The boys were ready to head home ha!


So excited that it is Christmas time!! Yay!

broken (miscarriage)

I consider myself strong. Capable of weathering all that this earth can crash upon me.

My life has been much like an ocean. Waves, ebbing and flowing.
Just as a wave will fill every nook and crack as it seeks the shore, so does this life. Echoing into every inch of us, changing us, eroding us, exposing us. Washing over us unceasingly. Life, indeed, is much like an ocean. And a rather unfair one if I do say so myself.

Blogging is a great form of escape. Smiling faces, clean homes, well mannered kiddos. Just hop on Pinterest and it is a world full of bright and shiny. It can make a grilled cheese sandwich look like the best thing on earth.

And honestly I am so grateful for the bright and shiny. For the everyday normal moments. For the smiles and fresh baked cookies. For the hope and promise and especially for the forgiveness. I am so thankful for the waves that bring refreshment and peace. For the waves that bring love and family. For the waves that bring bounty.

But what about the moments, days, years, that the waves bring pain. When all that washes ashore is loss, tears, death, poverty. What of those?

Tonight I mourn for a friend whose baby boy was taken far too soon. The aftermath of a loss like that rings so strongly that it is hard to breathe. I hate it.

Call me vulnerable, but this has hit a spot in my heart that I have been trying to heal. I am so blessed, so blessed to have my three boys. Words can't express the joy they bring and the thankfulness that I have in every breathe just for the opportunity to be their mom. I love them and they are the reason I have survived some of this life's hardest times. They are the beacons that bring me back.

But I am here to say, that the pain is still there. It still hurts. It still lingers after all these years. It may not wash over me every day or even every week like it once did. But when it does, it breaks me. Because I miss him. That sweet baby, who I am thankful for having the honor of knowing if only for a very brief time. For seeing him alive. For being given the gift of seeing his heart beating. For life. And for the inconceivable pain when his heart was still. Motionless on the grey screen. November 11, 2008 was his due date. He would be three now. And I let myself wonder what he would have looked like.
Then I look down and see EJ asleep in my lap. Knowing he wouldn't be here if Max was. I can't really explain what that feels like. An ache and a joy intertwined. An ache for the loss, and joy for the gift that is in my lap. And the one in his bunk, and the one in his crib. I have lost much, but have gained more. But it still hurts.

I hurt for all six of my babies that left my womb much too soon. And I ache for the emptiness that my friend now carries.

I don't have the answers, or the ability to attempt to justify why babies die.

But I trust. I have faith. I know He can fill the emptiness. Maybe not in the way we want as humans, but in the way that does bring sweet comfort and does bring glory. I will say it a thousand times, not only for you, but for me. His strength is sufficient. He does sustain. When life crashes, He carries.

The storms of this life will pass. They will. And when they do, the coming sunrise will be more brilliant because of them. The air crisp and the land washed clean. It is coming friends. It is coming.

Matthew is 3 months (and a half!)

Well I am finally doing his three months post! He has changed so much this month.



For starters, he was able to come off the zantac. His reflux is much, much better! We also found out he is allergic to both milk protein and eggs. So lucky for me, I get to avoid all those foods since I am nursing :)



He is sleeping so much better now. He actually does really well in his crib. He takes two long naps (morning and afternoon) and a short evening one as well. The times that he takes these vary  as does the length of his naps.



Bedtime is around 7 and he now usually sleeps till 1 or 2 am before waking up to eat again. He usually wakes up about three times a night.

He is nursing great and gaining TONS of weight. He is just under 17 pounds now. He is 93rd for length and 97th percentile for weight. He is in 9 month clothing but can wear a few 6 months and our pjs are 12 month to fit over the night time diaper.

He is so happy now and talks and talks and smiles all the time. He still doesn't like to be put down though and still hates the car.

His hair is falling out like crazy and his eyes are still really blue. I cant wait to see what they will end up being!

I know babies don't usually teethe this early but this boy drools like crazy and is always chewing on his hands! He loves tummy time and his newborn fuzz is finally falling out.

He is just so sweet and I love him like crazy.
Oh and look at this! I definitely things he looks so much like Ej did at this age!!