Saturday, November 29, 2008

he's growing up

Well my not so little man is growing up! He has a new hair cut (about 4 inches shorter) and I can not believe how old he looks! We had a picnic today outside, since the weather was so nice, and I enjoyed every single minute. He is such a blessing and really is my friend. I love him dearly! While eating our turkey sandwiches he looked over at me and told me he loved having a picnic with and he loved me so much. How could that not melt your heart!!

We also put up all of our Christmas decor and he was my little helper. I have to post pics of that soon.

It never ceases to amaze me how time flies by and how fast he grows.

So my little man, keep growing, just not too fast ;)

Oh and speaking of time flying, I realized today that I only have 10 weeks till this baby is making his grand appearance!!! TEN weeks people!!! Thats just crazy!!!!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

River rocks.........

I don't normally like to post twice in one day but I had to share this.
Today started out wonderful but quickly disintegrated. For some reason I brought to a place I don't like to be. All the thought of thanksgiving reminded me of everything I have lost. It could have been my pregnancy hormones or just me, but I wallowed in this pity party and really struggled today. I prayed and prayed hard for peace and patience. As the day came to a close, and I was laying with Austin as he fell asleep, I started praying again. Not only for peace but for clarity. I know God has a wonderful plan. A plan for us all even though I can not see it right now. However just because I can not see it does not mean it does not exist and I know that God does indeed have a plan and I rest in that. Most of the time.
However, like I said tonight I was struggling and I brought it to Him.

Then he spoke and His words were so profound to me my eyes filled with tears and I was once again filled with thanks for a God who does bring me peace. Complete peace.

This is what He shared with me.
Do you remember as a child ever going to a river or a stream and seeing those beautiful river rocks? I was mesmerized by them as a child. I would grab one in my hand and rub my fingers along it. I would love just how smooth and perfect each stone was. How could a river, flowing water, make such perfection?
That is what I am, what we are. We are all river rocks. Life is hard. Sometimes very hard, and we were never promised anything different. We travel down stream; bumping, scraping,flowing right along. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Is it sometimes awful? You better believe it. Does it carve away our imperfections and bring us closer to our God? Yes.
All of my trials and all of my pain is just the river flowing around me making me what God intends of me. He wants nothing less than for me to be as perfect and smooth as a river rock and that is what I will strive to be. All of this life is just priming us for the real treasure. So I will take it. I will take it all. I will surrender and let You mold me. For I long to be smooth oh Lord.
I have a long ways to go but for now I rest in the peace that God has given me. For I know......
River rocks..............

A thankful Thanksgiving....

Here I sit still embraced by the splendor that was Thanksgiving. This year was especially good to us. Good in so many wonderful ways.

It started with the Macy's parade. Austin was so intrigued with it this year and that brought back so many great memories. Then a day full of cooking all my favorite foods. I LOVE to cook. It is such a passion of mine and knowing that I get to share it with all my loved cup runneth over.

Adam was home all day as well and he did an amazing job at playing with Austin while I cooked. He really is the best father I have ever seen. He is my husband and I am so blessed to say that!

You see, I am so very blessed and have so many wonderful things to be thankful for, I don't need a holiday to remind me. Although a day set aside just for thankfulness is wonderful actually.

Every morning I wake up I am thankful. In a world that is in chaos, I have a beautiful family, a home over my head, food in my fridge, and Houston is still cooking ;)
I drive to work thankful and return the same way. My life, my family, is everything I ever wanted. How could I be anything but thankful?

God has been so incredibly good to me. The only thing I have ever wanted is a family whos love grows and grows. A wonderful husband and amazing children. I am not saying the road I had to take to get to this point was easy. Instead it was the opposite. Losing my parents, college, miscarriages and infertility, and countless other trials, all have made me even more thankful. Because even through the pain, God was and is with me. He has held me and carried me. He has loved me enough to pull me through the bad, and has given me so much good, I am in awe. I am not worthy but He has blessed me beyond measure anyways. He is my God and words can not express how thankful I am for that.

So today as I bask in the afterglow....
I want to say thank you Adam for everything you do. For working so hard despite the economy and for being the best husband and father I could ever have asked for. I prayed for you before I met you and I can not believe God actually gave you to me.

I want to say thank you for a certain little boy named Austin. You have changed my life forever. I will never and could never be the same. 3.5 years of pure bliss. Nothing is more fullfilling than waking up to you and all your sweetness. I love you so much. Every hug and every conversation, I am so very thankful.

I want to say thank you for my sweet baby Houston. What a journey it has been so far little man. Everything we went through to get you and everything I go through now to keep you. I love you beyond words and just am overwhelmed with gratitude for you. Two sons. Two brothers. Praise God!

I want to say thank you for everything we have physically. This year has been very hard as it is for many others. Our jobs have been shaken, our finances stretched, a home had to be let go of, a car lost, and just over all struggle. But I am thankful for all of the bounty. We have so so very much. I have a good home, a car to drive and share ;), more than enough food, and even some not so necessary things that we have splurged on. So even in the face of chaos, we are blessed. God has sustained us and I know in my hear He will continue. Thank you Lord for my bounty. You alone are our provider........

I want to say thank you for my MIL and FIL. Their love and support means so much. They are wonderful grandparents and I am so thankful Austin gets to have that relationship. Thank you so much!

I want to say thank you to you Lord. Not just for sustaining us but for loving us. You know my heart and my sorrows. You know my joy and my happiness. You know me Lord and you love me. Just as I am....unconditionally. I would not be here if it wasn't for you and everything you have done. Every step I have taken and every time you held my hand. For everything. The good and the bad. For although the road has been steep, it has led me to You. Most Holy Lord I am most thankful for You.

So this Thanksgiving was a wonderous day. I am so blessed........So very blessed...........

Thursday, November 20, 2008

In the silence He whispered

Well I am sure that from my last post you can tell I have been having a rough time. Well that has been an understatement. I was overwhelmed and so very exhausted from everything going wrong. So this week I have been pushing forward and all the while praying for God to pick up the pieces and carry me. I surrendered to Him because I couldn't do it anymore. I was broken and defeated by everything and I was not strong enough to carry on.

Fast forward to this morning and I was driving to work and I was in silence. No radio this morning just alone with my God. Then He spoke. He calmed me instantly and reminded me where I needed to go (to return) to find the peace I so desperately sought. Scripture.....
How simple but true. I use to read the Bible all the time. It brought so much comfort and it nourished our relationship every night. I had gotten away from this routine but I am happy to be back. My Lord never abandons me and never leaves me. He carries me, He comforts me, He loves me. And I am grateful for a God who does all of those things.

The whole point of all of this is to let you all know I am doing better because I am not alone. I am not strong enough but I don't have to be.

In an other update, I did have my OB appt on Tuesday and they want me on bed rest till the end of my pregnancy. I have to work through the end of the year but I guess I will be ringing in the New Year in bed. And that's okay too. Lots of scripture time......

Thank you all for your prayers because we have felt them. You all mean so much...Thank you....

Saturday, November 15, 2008

labor and delivery...again

Well yesterday was Friday but it was so so much more. It was a day of little miracles, defeat, pain and finally surrender.

It all started with taking my car into the shop. I KNEW how much was wrong with it, but as my husband drove it to the shop and I followed nervously behind in his car, my mind kept praying for a little miracle that we get it to their drive way. Well we did. There were no problems. It drove well and in a way that was (in my sappy mind) my cars final farewell. As soon as he parked my XTerra a huge cloud of smoke engulfed the engine and I just knew....I knew. A few hours later the mechanic called me and told me my car could not be fixed. "Unfixable" and "Money pit" left me feeling defeated. Great...just great. Give it for scrap or trade it in he said. Okay I hear you. I have been told this before and now it is true. It is amazing how emotionally attached you get to your cars. So "Sadie" it has been a great few years....thank you!!

Okay so I am at work as usual and here comes the second drama of my day. The pain. It is back. And know I know with certainty that stress is what is causing my PTL. I try to focus on my work, but the pain level is slowly creeping up the scale. 5.....6.....7. Okay I give in and call my Dr fulling thinking she would call me in more Terb and that would be that. Nope. "The Dr needs you to go back to Labor and Delivery." My response was not so wonderful. I did not want to go back to the place I just left three days prior to be stuck pricked and prodded. Again. I finished my day at work because I needed to, then headed that way. Stress level through the roof. You know whats worse than going to labor when you are 25 weeks pregnant??? Going alone. Adam was at work and I had our only car. So I went again...alone. Wonderful....
I get there and my pain has decreased to a 2 and I am quite comfy. Making chatty conversation with my nurses and even managing to laugh. This time at least I got to go to the antepartum unit. No screaming women and birthing babies. On go the monitors and to our surprise (insert sarcasm) I am contracting. Houston looked awesome the whole time and I am eternally grateful for that. They repeated my Fetal Fibro test and again it was negative. Then she looked at my cervix and I did not like the look on her face. She called my Dr and came back and checked my cervix again. 1 cm and 30% effaced. Just three days prior I was 0cm and 0% effaced. Lovely. So they order my steroid shots to mature the babies lungs "just to make sure" and let me sit there for 7 hours on the monitor. Contractions start to get worse again and so does my pain. I finally convince them to give me Terbutaline and I get instant relief. An hour later I am sent home with no new instructions except to return tomorrow for my second steroid shot. Fine. I don't know why they didn't give me the darn medicine 7 hours earlier.....

So here I sit. Thankfully not on bedrest but trying to relax none the less. So much is up in the air right now, I don't know where to start. We can't make it with one car but we can't afford a new one. Adams job is stressing him out because that's the nature of sales when you make 100% commission. I just don't know...............

So please pray for us. Pray for peace, pray for a financial miracle, and pray for my sweet Houston who really does need to stay put. I feel so guilty for dragging him into my stress. I hate that he can feel my stress and that I am causing my PTL. I am so sorry sweet baby boy.....

So just pray..........That's all I ask.........

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

terbutaline, my friend

Well yesterday was aweful. As bad as bad days get. I hate those days!!!
Anyways it started out with my car dying on me. This has been a long time coming so it was no surprise. However, we can't get it fixed and we can't get a new one so we are now a one vehicle family. Great times. Little did I know this was just the start of my day!
You see, I woke up in pain. I had severe back pain and a lot of pelvic discomfort and pressure. It was constant and very severe. I suffered all day with this and finally gave in and called my Dr. They admitted me to Labor and Delivery and sure enough I was having contractions every 30 seconds. After a few hours they finally gave me some Terbutaline and after 3 doses I did feel better. We managed to get them down to one every 10 minutes and no pain. Terbutaline is amazing in that is works very quickly and gave me so much relief. But it comes with hefty side effects !! After all this I did get to go home to rest though. The contractions started back at 3am but have gotten better. I took a hot bath this morning and that did help a lot but this is very very scary. Sweet Houston is so tiny and hopefully will stay put for another 3 months! So any prayers will be greatly appreciated. Hopefully the pain will go away and the contractions will completely stop. Sigh..........

Thank goodness today is a new day!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

picture catch up!

Just wanted to share pictures of everything we have been up too. Some are from Halloween and some of the baby. Hope you all enjoy and I will try to write a longer post later!!
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