Friday, November 28, 2008
I don't normally like to post twice in one day but I had to share this.
Today started out wonderful but quickly disintegrated. For some reason I brought to a place I don't like to be. All the thought of thanksgiving reminded me of everything I have lost. It could have been my pregnancy hormones or just me, but I wallowed in this pity party and really struggled today. I prayed and prayed hard for peace and patience. As the day came to a close, and I was laying with Austin as he fell asleep, I started praying again. Not only for peace but for clarity. I know God has a wonderful plan. A plan for us all even though I can not see it right now. However just because I can not see it does not mean it does not exist and I know that God does indeed have a plan and I rest in that. Most of the time.
However, like I said tonight I was struggling and I brought it to Him.
Then he spoke and His words were so profound to me my eyes filled with tears and I was once again filled with thanks for a God who does bring me peace. Complete peace.
This is what He shared with me.
Do you remember as a child ever going to a river or a stream and seeing those beautiful river rocks? I was mesmerized by them as a child. I would grab one in my hand and rub my fingers along it. I would love just how smooth and perfect each stone was. How could a river, flowing water, make such perfection?
That is what I am, what we are. We are all river rocks. Life is hard. Sometimes very hard, and we were never promised anything different. We travel down stream; bumping, scraping,flowing right along. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Is it sometimes awful? You better believe it. Does it carve away our imperfections and bring us closer to our God? Yes.
All of my trials and all of my pain is just the river flowing around me making me what God intends of me. He wants nothing less than for me to be as perfect and smooth as a river rock and that is what I will strive to be. All of this life is just priming us for the real treasure. So I will take it. I will take it all. I will surrender and let You mold me. For I long to be smooth oh Lord.
I have a long ways to go but for now I rest in the peace that God has given me. For I know......