Monday, June 6, 2011

there are these arms....

All weekend I have been so stressed out and just overwhelmed with anxiety. I looked up my class syllabus online Saturday, and immediately started crying. Dramatic? Maybe. But everything just hit me a bit harder. I let it get to me, that is something I am very prone to do. Anxiety and I are long term BFF's apparently. 

It is so easy to lose sight of what is important and to let the things of each day wear us down. To get caught up in all the responsibilities and all the mundane. Sometimes when you are in the mess of it, all you see is the mess instead of the goal. These days I have felt knee deep. All I have been asking myself this weekend, is how in the world can I do this? It is not possible!! I am already spread so thin that I can't possibly take this on. Maybe you know that feeling too?

I am now 8 months pregnant with another sweet baby boy. I am getting bigger and things are getting much much harder. I am having bouts of contractions every day and my sciatic is really bad. It is a constant reminder of the blessing that I am carrying around inside right now. A blessing that will no doubt rock our world next month. My class work load this summer is heavy and there is a reason it is called "full time". Whoa.

I have been barely floating by these days, and now these changes are finally here. No more putting it off. (Did I also mention that I am also BFFs with procrastination, or maybe denial. Probably both! Fantastic :) 

So today, (the first day of class), I was fully expecting to wake up in a panic and was dreading it. But I didn't. There is peace here today. Patience and love. I wasn't expecting it and I don't know why I haven't learned yet. I know these arms. I know their reach. Why do I doubt? 

There are different seasons in our life that push and challenge us. Those are the seasons where we grow the most. I know this season won't be an easy one, but I will embrace it and I will trust. We will make it through this and will come out better for it. But worry and doubt and anxiety? They only take away from the miracle, from the joy. They steal gratitude and I will no longer allow that. 

And there is a lot to be said about being busy! Idle hands are never a good thing after all. Plus, my type A personality is taking over. I already have my list and am ready to go. But maybe that is not the point I am trying to make! That's for another post.

Anyway, I wanted to say that whatever you are facing, and maybe even dreading, you can do it because you are not alone. There are these hands and they have a way of carrying things, including you, especially you.

This is a song that I LOVE that I wanted to share. God truly is in all seasons of life. So thankful for an ever present God.

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