Friday, December 4, 2009

Will you still follow me?

Everyone has trials and hardships. Everyone has problems and some painful moments in their life.
In life we can not choose what life gives us, only how we react. It is our reactions that define us.
The truth is, life can be pretty hard sometimes....

I have had my share of trials. The past two years have been especially difficult.

But I wouldn't change that. The Lord uses these moments to mold us and to create within us who He knows we can be. I still love the analogy of river rocks.

The trials and tests push you to the limits. It stretches your faith almost to breaking. It tears you down but only to have the Lord build you right back up. The Lord is awesome at that! How thankful I am for rebuilding!

I have been asked why the Lord allows such painful and horrible things to happen to us. Why my faith remains so strong in the face of such heart ache. I will tell you.

I was a luke warm follower for a very long time. One foot on the alter, the other at the door. Knowing Jesus and following Jesus are different things.
I never gave Him my life. I never gave Him anything.... However, I was happy to demand everything. I thought I was a Christian and claimed to be. Then things started to change...

In the middle of our secondary infertility and in the heartache of my miscarriages I heard the Lord whisper to me. Calling me to Him.
Do you still love me? Will you still follow me if you do not get pregnant?
Saying yes to that was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. However, not to long after, I did get pregnant with Max.
Will you still love me and follow me if I take this precious baby to come home to be with me?
NO! NO! You can not take this baby from me. Not another one. I want this baby to be here on earth. I want this one to come home. I want...I want....
With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I answered yes Lord.
Max did go to be with the Lord and I had never know such pain nor such peace.

With the failing economy crumbling around us, with jobs and incomes lost. With hopes, homes, and dreams shattered. I once again heard Him calling.
Will you still love and follow me if you have nothing but me?
Looking into heaven and begging to see the path He had chosen and to see the purpose in all the loss, I kneeled and said yes Lord.
We did lose everything, and for the first time I knew what it was like to be completely sustained by Him alone.

With sweet Ej in my belly growing and thriving, despite our preterm labor and complications, I started to breathe again.

Once more , though, the Lord is calling.

Will you still love me and follow me? Will I still be your God? Will you still walk in faith if I ask EJ to be placed on the alter. If it is not my will for Ej to be healed on this side of eternity?
And friends, with faith and courage, I whisper YES Lord.

Yes Lord, YOU are my king, my Savior, no matter what! No matter what. My faith is no longer something I say but something I walk. I no longer expect for my wants and desires to be met. For when you let the Lord lead you, when you let Him work in your life, there might be will be pain. However, the reward, the beauty, the joy, the hope, the promise, the peace, is so much more than you can ever even imagine. If it takes the pain to have the joy, if it takes the pain to know the arms of Jesus, then yes Lord. I will take it all.

We were never promised an easy path. We were never promised smooth sailing. In fact the scripture promises the opposite. However, we were promised that we would never go alone. Jesus is there to carry, to comfort, to save. Jesus is always matter what. The farther you lean, the stronger his grasp. He will never let you go.

So no matter what heart ache you have, no matter what path you are traveling, know this. The Lord our God has traveled it far in advance. He is waiting for you with outstretched arms. Just jump, lean, and give the pain to Him. The comfort and peace of Jesus is all encompassing and breathe taking. And.... it is yours.....

To read another story of sweet surrender and of answering yes lord! go here.


Anonymous said...

Yes, Lord!

Laurie said...

I'm still praying for y'all. Thanks for the post. I really needed to hear this!

KK said...

I never really knew faith or HIm so well until He was all I had left and I was certain I would not live through my trials except by clinging to Him. I may not be a fan of the plan right now, but I know I can trust HIm!

Crystal said...

ooh my dear sweet sister in the Lord--I feel like I know you from your blog--I don't mean to sound crazy but seriously you are just amazing!!!!

I am going to mark your blog as one of my favorites--your words are just amazing. I believe God has given you such a gift to write so beautiful and a heart so willing to serve his no matter what. I wish I could just hug you!!!

please know although I have never met you I am praying hard for you and your beautiful family! xoxoxox

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

It's so, so hard. It's so so peace giving when we surrender, but ouch, getting there can hurt...

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